This horrific list of puns comes to us from my sister….whose familial association is the only thing saving her from a firing squad.

Enjoy the groan-fest.  And remember:  things could be worse, you could be reading a political speech instead.

Thosewho jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

Aman\’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking

Dijonvu – the same mustard as before.

Practicesafe eating – always use condiments.

Shotgunwedding – A case of wife or death.

Aman needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Ahangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancingcheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Doesthe name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condomsshould be used on every conceivable occasion.

Readingwhile sunbathing makes you well red.

Whentwo egotists meet, it\’s an I for an I.

Abicycle can\’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What\’sthe definition of a will?  (It\’sa dead give away.)

Timeflies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Indemocracy your vote counts.

Infeudalism your count votes.

Shewas engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

Achicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Ifyou don\’t pay your exorcist, you\’ll get repossessed.

Withher marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Theman who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Youfeel stuck with your debt if you can\’t budge it.

LocalArea Network in Australia – the LAN down under.

Everycalendar\’s days are numbered.

Alot of money is tainted – taint yours and taint mine.

Aboiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Hehad a photographic memory that was never developed.

Amidget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium atlarge.

Onceyou\’ve seen one shopping center, you\’ve seen a mall.

Bakerstrade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa\’shelpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupunctureis a jab well done.

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